Changes

I am going to change companies. I am tired of all the test the doctors have had me complete. Let us see: A stress test, a CT with contrast of the heart, a MRI of the chest and body, an ultrasound of the kidneys and now I have to have a 3D ultrasound of my kidneys with contrast. Something to figure out why my blood pressure is so high and my pulse rate does not increase with activity. My max heart rate is down 30% which is really strange for me because of all the cycling I have been doing. I have been wearing a heart rate monitor while taking spin class and find it hard to see me limited to 150 BPS. Kind of strange to have constant chest pain but cysts in kidneys can cause this and they did find 4. Live is indeed changing for me.

Decision Day

Do I stay working part time or do I go to the place where I have a full-time offer? I make it this morning.

Getting cussed out

I got cussed out today by a resident of a facility. The staff wasn't even phased.

Get Away

So here I am in New England on a beautiful fall day with a friend. Played with her dog and enjoyed some great conversation.

I wish I didn't have to go to work Monday.

Wondering

Things have been strange for me the past fews weeks. High school reunion thrown in with a pacemaker being put into a parental unit. Microwave is dead. Battery in my car goes. I break a spoke on my bike while out on a ride. Smart phone dies. I feel the pressure of school work and yard work that needs to be done.

Just wondering what is next.

Questions people ask

An elderly patient asked me today how come I don't have any kids"

I responded "Because the baby fiery hasn't brought me any yet".

Nurse loses it and laughs and says, "I never heard that one before."

Got to love dementia patients.

I lost it

Didn't watch the finale of Lost last night but watched Julie/Julia and then headed off to bed. I was singing a ditty in German to the tune of Rock of Ages. My wife then started speaking German to me and I was understanding what she said. We were having fun ans she would sometimes slip up and inject a Spanish word in. We were laughing to much to be making any sense but it was quite fun...

Palms

I remember the morning I woke up and looked down at the church courtyard and saw the palms laying there.

Considering I was a mere 90 miles from Jerusalem that day.

a thought

Love is a crescendo riding on a wave

Growing larger as it encounter more love

Grows more beautiful as we see it in different light

From different views, this light is in different colors

And it causes things to happen.

In different ways, and in this you are there, growing this love rainbow.

Lent

It was 6am and I was laying in the chaplain on-call bed reading a friend's sermon that I was going to give comments on.(couldn't sleep)

She wrote:

Lent is a season during which we look inward and reflect upon our own lives.

I would add that lent is a journey we take too. One where we know that it ends at the cross but how we get there is why we are looking inward and discovering what it means to be a follower of Christ.

So as I drove home thinking about this I realized how I am looking at the cross and not Easter. I remember being chastised by a professor about getting to Easter without the cross. The cross is a sign of violence and death and we have to get to it in order to have resurrection. So I was thinking that I follow life not death so I am still hung up on the cross.

Safe

I made it how after "Snowmeggeddon" 2010. Roads were worse as you drove south. The signs said that I95 south was closed so I went for the BW parkway and so did all the Semis. I know they are not allowed on the parkway but there they were. There are so many trees down along the road that it created traffic barriers. I am just happy to be home and safe.

Stuck

I threatened to cook Phil to groundhog after the weather forecast for this weekend. I had dreams of a boatdrink by the pool with a silly umbrella in it while the Superbowl was on. Instead I get the "Oh-My-God" mother of all snowstorms.

I am packing up to sleep at the hospital for my on-call tomorrow.

Heard

A patient says to me that the History Channel is atheist. Huh???

Obama is the anti-Christ. I've heard that one...

He started quoting scripture and I freaked him out by telling him what book in the Bible he is referencing.

Who on earth has he been listening too?

Another day as a chaplain. Glad I got 40 miles in on Sunday. I need some exercise...

Peace

Dona Nobis Pachem. Peace be upon you.

Signs of God

Those little things that show the Divine presence is here.

I ended up talking to a patient and family today that happened to be in a room I had a referral too. As we talked, the older patient was in fear of having a procedure of enduring so many procedures and dealing with death so much. She mentioned that a relative died yesterday morning at the other hospital. I asked for the name. I was on call Monday night at the other hospital and I was present at the death of her relative and met with the other members of her family. We really had a connection.

This is one of those times when we are placed in the right place at the right time for a purpose that is so much greater than us.

You're the chaplain!

I was out visiting patients when I met someone who says "you're the chaplain that sat with my daughter". I was lost and asked her for more information because I had no recollection of ever meeting this patient. Then she said she was a Code and I went and sat with her daughter for a long time while the doctors took care of her. I then remembered the incident and the daughter.

Sometimes we touch someone just by sitting there.

Hope

Veni, Veni Emmanuel

It is about hope. It always is.

I had two tough days because a man saw no hope and ended his life.

I was with his family for 2 days as they watched the attempts to keep the man alive but the decision was to not prolong an ending.

I could not be there when the end came but I know there was hope.

I saw it in his family that will continue living, loving, hoping.

I know his children will always have hope

But this is not about that . It is about a hope that is here and one to come.

Come Hope,

Come now and let this pain be gone

Come hope into this darkness and be the light

Come hope into our midst and be the love

Come hope, just be present as I get up and see your creation and want to know the whys

Come Hope and just let your peace settle upon me

Just enough for today.

Come

Gratitude

I received a letter at work today from a family that lost a loved one. They used words to express their thanks to the whole staff for the care they and their son received. I shared the letter with the staffs on two floors and gave it to the ICU charge nurse.

We then talked about this whole incident again. The doctors took this death hard and still need to process and they know we are there to listen, even if we don't understand all the medical jargon/test results.

Someone took the time to say thanks for doing your job. Just not something you hear to much anymore.

From my heart. You are welcome.

Funeral

I went to the funeral of a patient today. He was 28 and died three weeks after his cancer diagnosis. I was there during that 3 weeks and I know he was fighting everyday. I remember the last time I talked with him. I pray for his wife, his mother, father and sister. He was a good man.

Blessed

Gratitude

For those who have gone before me

Those who taught me

Those who showed me

Those who loved me though I was unlovable(They are truly grace filled)

They are the Saints that I love

Holy God,

I give thanks today for being loved

For all my faults made me unlovable

Someone saw something and changed me

The Saints that came into my life

Who lead me to where I needed to be

And held me when I was down

Thank you for the Saint that have lived and died and now live again

Thank you for the grace to accept these Saints into your care

For in your mercy, I am loved

Amen