Socialized Medicine

I am in a socialized medicine system being retired military. I have been sleeping bad so I made an appointment to the sleep center. So I went in and I saw a respiratory therapists who recommended I drink warm milk before going to bed, eat turkey. This is the same thing he said to me two years ago.

So I ran a 2 weeks test with a new machine that said that the pressures are right but I still only managed 4 almost good nights of sleep in 15 days. I bring the my machine back and they say I need to see a doctor in the office. Next appointment is the 14th of August. Months of sleeping bad to 2 weeks of documented sleeping bad to say I need to see a doctor.

I am so tired yet frustrated beyond belief.....

Wondering where the sleep is

These past few months have been hard on me. I have been sleeping awful. I wake up hot.

I wake up with a headache. I wake up thirsty.

What will it be like just to sleep good for a few days in a row and feel better.

Trying to keep a good sleep regime going.

Next to that log that has no problems sleeping.......

1:02

I awaken to the soft, warm, furry thing in the small of my back.
I am warm to the point of perspiring.
I move away from you but you nudge back.
You seek my warmth.
I arise and seek the cooling water.
I return to the softness and warmth of the bed and you decide it is time to purr loud in my face.
What does sleep mean to you?
Am I there for heat osmosis?
After a few minutes of purring and kneading, you doze off.
So do I.
Just to awaken and find a soft, warm, furry thing in the small of my back.

Twitches

How do I explain that night twitches that da wif has as she dozes off at night?

Twitches


It starts with a finger
or maybe an elbow.
I lay there wondering
what is next?
Will it be gentle?
Quick?
A whole arm?
A foot?
A leg?

Will I be hit?
Does my knee have
to suffer?

Do I twitch too?

More middle of the night writing

I awake feeling refreshed.
I lay there waiting for the alarm
that never comes.
I turn on the TV
Weather for the day?
Why are these people
on TV?
Where is my weather?
The clock
stuck.
Time stands still.
I never liked that clock anyway.

3:52.
I can sleep
some more.
I hope.

3 AM

If I awake with thoughts in my head, I found it more fun to run with them than to run from them. I call this middle of the night poetry.
3 AM and I awake to the sound of shear silence.
My body is warm, the sweat on my temples runs down into my eyes.
I thirst.
I sense the light in the house.
Why?
I rise and find lights on, realizing I am the guilty.
The project I wanted to finish was interrupted by sleep.
I find cool water to make the warmth subside.
I look outside and see snow on the cherry blossoms.
I suddenly do not feel so warm.
My mind wanders to snow on Roses and the tender, gentle petals.
I return to bed and Alex joins me.
He comes under the covers, curls up next to me, head under my chin.
He purrs himself to sleep. He uses me for warmth.
I listen to the breathing of all the living creatures around me.
Constant. Resting.

The sound of the silence is all around me.

Time to Update

Sleeping is becoming harder and harder. I graduate from seminary and have anxiety as to where I will be next. Doctor appointment at Walter Reed then class then CD group. I hope to find some time for myself today but it does not look promising. Weather looks promising for vike riding the next few days and since I have no classes, watch out world.