Socialized Medicine

I am in a socialized medicine system being retired military. I have been sleeping bad so I made an appointment to the sleep center. So I went in and I saw a respiratory therapists who recommended I drink warm milk before going to bed, eat turkey. This is the same thing he said to me two years ago.

So I ran a 2 weeks test with a new machine that said that the pressures are right but I still only managed 4 almost good nights of sleep in 15 days. I bring the my machine back and they say I need to see a doctor in the office. Next appointment is the 14th of August. Months of sleeping bad to 2 weeks of documented sleeping bad to say I need to see a doctor.

I am so tired yet frustrated beyond belief.....

Walking in circles

The Heart’s Blossom. I was at the Cathedral last night for the Labyrinths, quiet time and music.

As I walked to the center I had thoughts (emptying did not happen)

At the center of a Rose.

Being surrounded by beauty

Being present in the center

Being present to others around me

All seeking center

All quiet

Growing

Quieting walking

Passing each other

Making turns on a path

Wondering where the curves, intersections will lead.

A center in silence

Being present in my heart to your heart

Feeling the beauty as the flower slowly unfolds

With me in it.

Flowi, river flow

Great Falls. Spent some quiet time there. (As quiet as all that water is). I makes you stop and think about so much.

Writing for a friend

After the Storm

For Jan

After the storm comes

After the lightening cracks and the heart skips

After the thunder booms and our hearts sink

After the darkness rolls in.

After all the visits and the calls

After hearing the words spoken we know so well

After all of this comes tomorrow

Comes today

When the new day dawns

When the light comes and we realize things have changed

Things are not the same

Someone will be missed

That phone call seeking her voice

The realization of it is a new day

One that will go on from here, but so very different than the ones past

But it is a new day

One where there are friends present for you.

Praying for you.

Giving you comfort

Peace

Being present for you.

Today and tomorrow.

Wondering where the sleep is

These past few months have been hard on me. I have been sleeping awful. I wake up hot.

I wake up with a headache. I wake up thirsty.

What will it be like just to sleep good for a few days in a row and feel better.

Trying to keep a good sleep regime going.

Next to that log that has no problems sleeping.......

No, No, No Saturday

I made plans for a bike ride but my knee said no you don't.  I have finshed my sermon and presentation for tomorrow and have the time but after waking up at 3:40 in pain, I think it is winning.

Off to a big box store for some dirt and plastic edging to keep the dirt inside the area and not washing away.

The rain did wash too much away this week.  Guess I have time to read today.

Needs

I need to get out

I need to install that wire over the vents.

I need to sleep better.

I need to figure out why I feel the way I do.

I need to figure out the question.

Guess I have a lot to do today,

Look out world, here I come.

Up early to hear a presentation

Since returning from Palestine, I sure am getting some interesting invitations to hear presentations.  

Today it is on Arab-Israeli peace.  Some politician is supposed to be there.

Rain

I have got mushrooms growing on mushrooms.

Enough rain already.

Ice Cream

The food pantry had ice cream this week.  A local store closed for remodeling and donated all of its ice cream.  Here I was giving Ben and Jerrys away knowing that I had not had it for a while.

I think I will make a DQ stop.

Home

5 weeks later and I am home.  Palestine was an experience I will not soon forget.  I taught me about hope.  

There is hope.

Always.

Gaza

The Rev. John Angle of the Hope Trust brought a group over to Gaza on Monday.  The issueof  getting through the border was the group had to walk 1.5 miles across the border so they borrowed everyone's rolling suitcases to bring items to the Lighthouse School that they support.

When they got back last night they told us about the checkpoint searching one of their group, a 70 yearold woman form more than three hours including X-rays.  John himself was detained for 2 hours while they asked questions of him like his fathers names and grandfathers names.  

The group arrived back about 5 hours later than they thought and started sharing pictures.

Everything is pretty well flattened and building can not resume.  They destroyed all the factories.

I was talking to one of the group when they said they destroyed the cement factory so there is no way of starting rebuilding.  My comment was that they are attempting to destroy hope.  

 Hope wins...  It always does.  John and his group knows this.

A new thing

Because of timing, I am free this morning. It is a beautiful clear morning and it will get into the mid-60s today so I took advantage of the weather and washed a load of laundry. I then went out and put the clothes on the line on the roof. I have never line dried my clothes. Fumbling with the clothespins, not worrying about matching socks or who sees my underwear.

Sunshine!

I waited a few days and it finally came out.  It only took 20 minutes to make me feel better.

High Anxiety

Serpents and traveling.  Anxiety setting in?  My readings for today seemed to be focused on serpents and traveling and all I could think of was my upcoming trip. I may not be as settled as I seem.

Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer,

Calm my anxiety, Bring peace to my inner being, Slow my thoughts down, Clear my paths of serpents, Slow me down and let me see the obstacles that threaten me. That keep me wandering on the wrong paths.

This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Amen

Ran Away

I ran off to NY City and saw a musical.  Took a express bus up and would recommend it.  I went to the WTC and looked at the hole there and thought about the tis I would walk to work.  I felt a huge emptiness as I missed something that was my past.

Desire

Psalm 19:9- 10 the fear of the Lord is pure,
   enduring for ever;
the ordinances of the Lord are true
   and righteous altogether.
¹⁰More to be desired are they than gold,
   even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey,
   and drippings of the honeycomb.

Lord,

Do I desire the sweetness in your living?
Do I seek to be righteous within you and with you?
Do I respect what you have taught me and are teaching me?
My prayer today is for listening to your word.
What you will be saying to me as I go out.
What calls me and envelops me to be more that I can be by myself.
For your hope is with me and your love holds me.
This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Come to Rest

Henry Nouwen writes that the literal translation of pray always is “come to rest”
p. 6 Katheen Norris, Acedia & me.

 

Lord,

May I come to rest in you as you come to rest in me.
My journey this lent is about being restored to you.
My time in this wilderness apart is about reflecting on my past and being made whole in you.
By you.
I know that I am always with you and you are always with me.
I know my journey is about what I have done,
What I have said,
Where I have been.
But Lord,
How can I,
What can I,
What shall I be with you?
New in life and new in creation!
This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.
Amen

Where is the sleep?

Sleep was alluding me. The snow is falling in a silent blizzard. But I want it to be all over and I wake up with the world white.

 

Patience and being a patient. Waiting while healing. I was hurting from so much. The hurts of the past were on my mind. My body ached from the weather outside. I sat in bed trying to sleep with words of a song going through my head,

 Oh Lord hear my prayer,
Oh Lord hear my prayer,
When I call
Answer me,
Oh Lord hear my prayer,
Oh Lord hear my prayer
Come and listen to me.
This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Amen 

Praying for sleep.

floating around

Creator, Sustainer and redeemer,

 

There are times in my life I knew what I was doing, 

Things were so clear.  Things were so right.

Now I feel like I am adrift again.  In a small boat on the sea.

But sometimes lost is where I need to be.

Not knowing my direction doesn’t mean I don’t have one.

There are currents moving me along directions I cannot see.

There are winds that I can feel blowing me along too.

My sea is my wilderness,

My temptations are the things that want me to veer off course.

Even if I don’t know the course.

This I pray, is my journey toward hope.

While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Amen