Funeral

I went to the funeral of a patient today. He was 28 and died three weeks after his cancer diagnosis. I was there during that 3 weeks and I know he was fighting everyday. I remember the last time I talked with him. I pray for his wife, his mother, father and sister. He was a good man.

Blessed

Gratitude

For those who have gone before me

Those who taught me

Those who showed me

Those who loved me though I was unlovable(They are truly grace filled)

They are the Saints that I love

Holy God,

I give thanks today for being loved

For all my faults made me unlovable

Someone saw something and changed me

The Saints that came into my life

Who lead me to where I needed to be

And held me when I was down

Thank you for the Saint that have lived and died and now live again

Thank you for the grace to accept these Saints into your care

For in your mercy, I am loved

Amen

Papers

I have 2 of 3 papers done. Just the final edits. One due Monday, the other any old time and the final one in a few weeks. Glad da wif is out of town because she might be pretty upset I am ignoring her.

Just 10 more months to go. I can not believe how hard this is.

Recovery

On call last night resulted in maybe 2 hours of sleep. I have not had much motivation today. I did read some and thought about some things I need to write about. It was not a terrible day. Just busy. Just wish I wasn't seeing so much alcohol related visits and teens coming in after crashing. Was thinking about having a scared straight for teens but know they already have it. Those crashed cars out on school lawns are real. I see what the insides look like when the car stops moving.

Addiction

Addiction has a language all its own. I hear it frequently and am now learning to speak it. Some things I never knew I would learn.

I knew it would happen

It did. A baby died while I was on call. It was horrible to experience but I prayed I did my best for the whole family.

I did not have time to process this until now. I have no idea how many people I saw yesterday. It is still a blur.

God grant him peace.

Tired

On call. Code at 4am. Alarm goes off and I get there 7 minutes later. In the next room a patient was being x-rayed when the patient hit him in a private spot. Trying not to laugh while CPR is going on the room. Nurses did not hold it together as well as I did.

Just plain strange.

On call

6 traumas and one cardiac arrest before 7 pm. I could not sleep so I am beat today. Happy I am off and got to go to church. Praying for all those who passed by and were hurt yesterday.

Best line was when I got a call for a person wanting prayer. I could not get there for an hour and a half and during the prayer she wanted me to pray for her daughter the virgin. Really hard not to laugh during a prayer.

Ice breaker

I was in Maternity visiting the nurses who just had a crisis to check in with them. They were having a tough time so just about anything you did for them was welcomed.

The nurse’s station is a typical counter with the glass walled nursery behind it but I noticed two Plexiglas bassinets in front of the nursery, just behind the nurses. I am sitting there staring at these when it came to me,

“Those are real babies” is what came out of my mouth. It took me a while to figure this out.

The ice was broken and we could move forward.

Finally out

I am out from behind the table and out into the hospital today.

Time to open all my senses and see what is out there.

I know I will be tired when I get back tonight from sensory overload.

Process, process, process - sleep.

Awake in a new city

I could not stay asleep so I got up. Turned on the local morning news. Watched 5 minutes, turned it off and turne on NPR.

Trying to figure on what to do this next 2 hours before I have to leave.

I want to give up

0 tomatoes for me. The ____ are getting them all. I almost want to pull the plants and spread the dirt around the yard.

I think I will just give up and keep growing them for whatever comes along to eat them. Even if i might just get one.

Totally distracted

I was sitting in a meeting trying to pay attention to what was being said when I looked out the window and witnessed a cardinal attacking the side mirror on a car. It was so mad with that bird in the mirror and this bird and mirror kept me preoccupied for a long time.

Meeting was really interesting, but watching that bird was more fun.

After the meeting, the guy sitting beside me commented on the bird and how it was neat.

Friday Five

RevGalBlogPals of which I am a long time lurker posts a question every Friday. I thought I would finally play.

1. Is there a sport/ hobby that is more of a passion than a past-time for you?

Passion. Bicycling. I own 3 bikes and my own spin bike. I ride as much as my time/knee allow. I follow those crazy bike races year round and watch all the teams as they rides change teams.

Da Wif and I went to the finish of the 2003 Tour and sat at the Finish line in Paris. It was the 100th anniversary of the tour and when they were talking about the 100th tour in 4 years, we looked at each other and said we would want to do it again.

2. Outdoors or indoors?

Why yes. Spinning inside when it is ice cold or really wet. Did have a friend mention he saw me out riding in the rain. Called me dedicated. Da Wif calls me other things. (Crazy)

3. Where do you find peace and quiet?

On those deserted roads with a nice breeze blowing as the miles wind by.

4. A competitive spirit; good or bad, discuss...

Very competitive. Very bad because it drives me to ride harder than I should sometimes.

5. Is there a song a picture or a poem that sums up your passion ?

Stupid by Sarah McLaughlin. It is the best song in the world for climbing mountains. Great beat and driving you to get to the end.

Squirrels 6 or more - Me 0

Do I admit defeat and just give them all my tomatoes?

Squirrels 5 - Me 0

They are stealing my hand pollenated tomotoes. Still green. All this work and I am not being rewarded for the fruits of my labor.

Rats with furry tail.....

Branson

I went there for a meeting of ordained pastors. Preaching was heavily weighted on the conservative side. I went and learned. Now Branson is a quite interesting town. Flying in and finding out the rental car company was not in the airport was a real bad start. I went to another counter and they gave me a better deal. Were friendly about it too. Getting waved at y the airport staff as we departed was cute, maybe a little over the top.

The town has one main road but the bypass roads are the key to getting around. Most everything is on the main strip and I found all the signs distracting because there are just too many of them We had a nice hotel to stay in but the internet just did not work there. It really needed help.

Shows. It is all about expectations as Da Wif says. We went and saw Six, The Twelve Irish Tenors and The Acrobats of China. Each is geared toward a particular audience and I liked two of the shows.

Food. American fare. On the drive into town, we say a burger joint we wanted to go to. 2 nights later, the place was stripped bare and gone and we could not find it because it’s sign was taken down. We noticed the spot the next day. We did stay beside a great custard place that we visited often. (Andy’s Custard)

People. Tourist were from the heartland of America and it shows. God, country, respect for veterans. The town’s folk were friendly. We met the spouse of one tourist area who was surprised we had found an out-of-the-way area that we liked. She said she would tell her husband we enjoyed it.

Things to do. Looking at the map, I wondered about the fish hatchery so we went there. It is pretty big hatching some 50000 trout a year then releasing them into the waterways. Fun to feed them too.

We found the Christmas Nativity Museum and gift shop cute and would recommend it. Some 2000 nativities from around the world.

If we were to go again, we would look for different shows, have more custard, be thankful for the wonderful weather we had.

Air Traffic Control

Watching the birds come in and out of the bird feeder reminded me of air traffic controllers who keep the airplanes coming in and out.

I was watching the line-up yesterday as the fledgling cardinal was waiting on the doves who was waiting on the blackbirds who were waiting on the common flicker.

It was interesting to see the bright yellow flash of the Yellow Finches as they zoom by.

Hearing the Carolina wrens make a fuss about something.

Seeing the tufted titmice come zooming in, make a call and then head out on the flightpath.

Since I have a compost pile out back, the gray catbirds are keeping the bugs down.

Many other birds to mention but when something startles them, off they go, back to the trees in their pattern.

Silence

Trying to have silence while the yard crews are doing their work outside.

Praying that this feeling passes. The feeling of being tired. about 4 hours of sleep last night.

Trying to find the right words for a newsletter.

Trying to figure out what is going on in my heart.

I'll just keep praying.

Getting ready

I am going to get out for a ride this morning. I had to shower first. Put on cycling clothing. Make my during ride drink with the help of Chloe who was interested in the all the noise I was making.

Get my bike out, check the tires. Get out the shoes, gloves, pump, helmet, glasses. Now I am waiting for the Tour to get started so I can get out.

I just can not believe it takes so long to get ready to ride.