I have been reading about myths of family and myths that are perpetuated along family lines. I sat here wondering what life would have been like for me if I had ended up with X, Y or Z. I guess I will never know but am happy where I am.

just one of those days

I am not sure how to start this. I know it has been a long time since I blogged and I know I have had 3 glasses of wine.
I received a call yesterday from a patient's family. Patient had been discharged a few months back for extended prognosis, otherwise known as you ain't dying fast enough. The patient suddenly died in the morning and the family requested I go "pray over him" since he was not a religious man. I spent more time talking to the patient about his life which is how I supported him. He really enjoyed the interaction with someone that was not suffering through dementia. I called the other team members that had taken care of him to let them know he had died and today I went to see him. I offered prayers for him and told him(or his body) that he had been a good person and had taken care of all his passengers and even married one. (He was a bus driver)
So strange to see a person in a cheap box for cremation. He was clean and looked good. You know, it is not the first time seeing a dead person, but I missed the conversations we had. He was a good man.
I am just ashamed that he is all alone now. No family, no love. Not the way I hope to die.

Sidelined

So I go out for a normal 40 mile ride. I am climbing the hill by my house to get home when I hit a pothole, a wheel-sucking pothole that took me out. My shoulder took the brunt of the fall and I broke helmet #6(Over 22 years). I was on the hook for training at 11 and delivering food for 65 homeless people but was able to get the times moved for both of these so I could go to the ER. I showered when I got home and cleaned myself up, best as I could. I knew things were getting bad when I could no longer lift my arm up. I get there and the docs found every sore spot on me. I did not realize that my hip was really bruised too. Xrays were negative as for breaks but getting the Xrays was a very painful experience. They scrubbed my wounds gave me a tetanus shot, a prescription for serious pain killers and sent me home with the warning it is going to hurt worse tomorrow. So far, no pain killers but I am sore and uncomfortable.

Weather is supposed to be cool the next 2 days and I can't ride.

Arg...

Off to church.....

Remembering Christmas Past

Rachel. I held her three years ago as I baptized into the Church. I wonder how she would grow up if she had the chance. She did not.
I was sitting with a woman who found a tumor in her chest and was worried about celebrating Christmas. I wonder how she is.
I figure that I may never know, but the memories still serve me.

This Christmas I am remembering those I sat with this year as their light faded. Lord, Bless them. You are not forgotten by me.

My brain hurts

Sleep is still an issue for me. My heart is still trying to figure out so much.

Is getting old allowed?

I am reading about others having babies and those babies having babies. Watching life move is humbling and a cause for regret. I keep wondering what if. I guess what if is better than why.

Beach

Hoping to as little as possible this week. I have 5 books and tons of time. Sand will be between my toes and sun in my receding hair. But I will be happy.

Riders in the Storm

Rain, Wind. Hurricane Irene is coming by and it has delayed things for me. Happy that I did get out for a bike ride this morning.

Keeping myself busy by watching a DVD.

Waiting

So here I wait. I have not spoken or heard from my wife since Monday but that is not all bad. She has been on safari in Kruger national park in South Africa where there is a lack of communications.

I hope she is on the flight that left earlier today but I am not sure. I just have faith that she is and also there has been no messages on the phone or anything else.

So here I wait.

PT

Yes, physical Therapy for my shoulder. It feels like there is something in there.

Makes life difficult but what am I complaining about. It is not like I am really sick or something.

Praying for rain again.

Rained Out

Pouring out and really warm. Funeral that was all outside including the lowering of the coffin and the dirt being put on. Soaked but happy I was there.

Preached Out

I made it through today and now have to plan a funeral for tomorrow.

Lord Have mercy,

Sidelined

So I go out for a normal 40 mile ride. I am climbing the hill by my house to get home when I hit a pothole, a wheel-sucking pothole that took me out. My shoulder took the brunt of the fall and I broke helmet #6(Over 22 years). I was on the hook for training at 11 and delivering food for 65 homeless people but was able to get the times moved for both of these so I could go to the ER. I showered when I got home and cleaned myself up, best as I could. I knew things were getting bad when I could no longer lift my arm up. I get there and the docs found every sore spot on me. I did not realize that my hip was really bruised too. Xrays were negative as for breaks but getting the Xrays was a very painful experience. They scrubbed my wounds gave me a tetanus shot, a prescription for serious pain killers and sent me home with the warning it is going to hurt worse tomorrow. So far, no pain killers but I am sore and uncomfortable.

Weather is supposed to be cool the next 2 days and I can't ride.

Arg...

Off to church.....

What has life to offer?

Sitting here with a bowl of cherry pits wondering who ate the cherries? An I don't even like cherry pie.

My thought is that I got a bad deal, a real bummer. But it does happen.

feeling in prayer

I find myself praying and hoping to understand so much, yet I cannot discuss them with others.

Wondering why God listens when I need to be talking to others too.

Missing so much right now.

Changes

I am going to change companies. I am tired of all the test the doctors have had me complete. Let us see: A stress test, a CT with contrast of the heart, a MRI of the chest and body, an ultrasound of the kidneys and now I have to have a 3D ultrasound of my kidneys with contrast. Something to figure out why my blood pressure is so high and my pulse rate does not increase with activity. My max heart rate is down 30% which is really strange for me because of all the cycling I have been doing. I have been wearing a heart rate monitor while taking spin class and find it hard to see me limited to 150 BPS. Kind of strange to have constant chest pain but cysts in kidneys can cause this and they did find 4. Live is indeed changing for me.

Decision Day

Do I stay working part time or do I go to the place where I have a full-time offer? I make it this morning.

Getting cussed out

I got cussed out today by a resident of a facility. The staff wasn't even phased.

Get Away

So here I am in New England on a beautiful fall day with a friend. Played with her dog and enjoyed some great conversation.

I wish I didn't have to go to work Monday.

Wondering

Things have been strange for me the past fews weeks. High school reunion thrown in with a pacemaker being put into a parental unit. Microwave is dead. Battery in my car goes. I break a spoke on my bike while out on a ride. Smart phone dies. I feel the pressure of school work and yard work that needs to be done.

Just wondering what is next.