Adventures of a dedicated soul

Is getting old allowed?

2012-02-11T13:55:00.001-08:00

I am reading about others having babies and those babies having babies. Watching life move is humbling and a cause for regret. I keep wondering what if. I guess what if is better than why.

Beach

2011-09-18T04:20:00.000-07:00

Hoping to as little as possible this week. I have 5 books and tons of time. Sand will be between my toes and sun in my receding hair. But I will be happy.

Riders in the Storm

2011-08-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

Rain, Wind. Hurricane Irene is coming by and it has delayed things for me. Happy that I did get out for a bike ride this morning.

Keeping myself busy by watching a DVD.

Waiting

2011-08-12T17:34:00.000-07:00

So here I wait. I have not spoken or heard from my wife since Monday but that is not all bad. She has been on safari in Kruger national park in South Africa where there is a lack of communications.

I hope she is on the flight that left earlier today but I am not sure. I just have faith that she is and also there has been no messages on the phone or anything else.

So here I wait.

PT

2011-08-02T16:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, physical Therapy for my shoulder. It feels like there is something in there.

Makes life difficult but what am I complaining about. It is not like I am really sick or something.

Praying for rain again.

Rained Out

2011-07-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

Pouring out and really warm. Funeral that was all outside including the lowering of the coffin and the dirt being put on. Soaked but happy I was there.

Preached Out

2011-07-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

I made it through today and now have to plan a funeral for tomorrow.

Lord Have mercy,

Sidelined

2011-06-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

So I go out for a normal 40 mile ride. I am climbing the hill by my house to get home when I hit a pothole, a wheel-sucking pothole that took me out. My shoulder took the brunt of the fall and I broke helmet #6(Over 22 years). I was on the hook for training at 11 and delivering food for 65 homeless people but was able to get the times moved for both of these so I could go to the ER. I showered when I got home and cleaned myself up, best as I could. I knew things were getting bad when I could no longer lift my arm up. I get there and the docs found every sore spot on me. I did not realize that my hip was really bruised too. Xrays were negative as for breaks but getting the Xrays was a very painful experience. They scrubbed my wounds gave me a tetanus shot, a prescription for serious pain killers and sent me home with the warning it is going to hurt worse tomorrow. So far, no pain killers but I am sore and uncomfortable.

Weather is supposed to be cool the next 2 days and I can't ride.

Arg...

Off to church.....

What has life to offer?

2011-06-07T04:27:00.000-07:00

Sitting here with a bowl of cherry pits wondering who ate the cherries? An I don't even like cherry pie.

My thought is that I got a bad deal, a real bummer. But it does happen.

feeling in prayer

2011-06-06T18:29:00.001-07:00

I find myself praying and hoping to understand so much, yet I cannot discuss them with others.

Wondering why God listens when I need to be talking to others too.

Missing so much right now.

Changes

2011-01-29T14:59:00.001-08:00

I am going to change companies. I am tired of all the test the doctors have had me complete. Let us see: A stress test, a CT with contrast of the heart, a MRI of the chest and body, an ultrasound of the kidneys and now I have to have a 3D ultrasound of my kidneys with contrast. Something to figure out why my blood pressure is so high and my pulse rate does not increase with activity. My max heart rate is down 30% which is really strange for me because of all the cycling I have been doing. I have been wearing a heart rate monitor while taking spin class and find it hard to see me limited to 150 BPS. Kind of strange to have constant chest pain but cysts in kidneys can cause this and they did find 4. Live is indeed changing for me.

Decision Day

2011-01-21T03:01:00.000-08:00

Do I stay working part time or do I go to the place where I have a full-time offer? I make it this morning.

Getting cussed out

2010-11-12T16:45:00.001-08:00

I got cussed out today by a resident of a facility. The staff wasn't even phased.

Get Away

2010-10-23T18:25:00.000-07:00

So here I am in New England on a beautiful fall day with a friend. Played with her dog and enjoyed some great conversation.

I wish I didn't have to go to work Monday.

Wondering

2010-09-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

Things have been strange for me the past fews weeks. High school reunion thrown in with a pacemaker being put into a parental unit. Microwave is dead. Battery in my car goes. I break a spoke on my bike while out on a ride. Smart phone dies. I feel the pressure of school work and yard work that needs to be done.

Just wondering what is next.

Questions people ask

2010-06-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

An elderly patient asked me today how come I don't have any kids"

I responded "Because the baby fiery hasn't brought me any yet".

Nurse loses it and laughs and says, "I never heard that one before."

Got to love dementia patients.

I lost it

2010-05-24T04:55:00.001-07:00

Didn't watch the finale of Lost last night but watched Julie/Julia and then headed off to bed. I was singing a ditty in German to the tune of Rock of Ages. My wife then started speaking German to me and I was understanding what she said. We were having fun ans she would sometimes slip up and inject a Spanish word in. We were laughing to much to be making any sense but it was quite fun...

Palms

2010-03-28T04:57:00.000-07:00

I remember the morning I woke up and looked down at the church courtyard and saw the palms laying there.

Considering I was a mere 90 miles from Jerusalem that day.

a thought

2010-03-04T17:12:00.001-08:00

Love is a crescendo riding on a wave

Growing larger as it encounter more love

Grows more beautiful as we see it in different light

From different views, this light is in different colors

And it causes things to happen.

In different ways, and in this you are there, growing this love rainbow.

Lent

2010-02-28T13:01:00.000-08:00

It was 6am and I was laying in the chaplain on-call bed reading a friend's sermon that I was going to give comments on.(couldn't sleep)

She wrote:

Lent is a season during which we look inward and reflect upon our own lives.

I would add that lent is a journey we take too. One where we know that it ends at the cross but how we get there is why we are looking inward and discovering what it means to be a follower of Christ.

So as I drove home thinking about this I realized how I am looking at the cross and not Easter. I remember being chastised by a professor about getting to Easter without the cross. The cross is a sign of violence and death and we have to get to it in order to have resurrection. So I was thinking that I follow life not death so I am still hung up on the cross.

Safe

2010-02-06T17:18:00.000-08:00

I made it how after "Snowmeggeddon" 2010. Roads were worse as you drove south. The signs said that I95 south was closed so I went for the BW parkway and so did all the Semis. I know they are not allowed on the parkway but there they were. There are so many trees down along the road that it created traffic barriers. I am just happy to be home and safe.

Stuck

2010-02-05T16:05:00.000-08:00

I threatened to cook Phil to groundhog after the weather forecast for this weekend. I had dreams of a boatdrink by the pool with a silly umbrella in it while the Superbowl was on. Instead I get the "Oh-My-God" mother of all snowstorms.

I am packing up to sleep at the hospital for my on-call tomorrow.

Heard

2010-01-25T18:37:00.000-08:00

A patient says to me that the History Channel is atheist. Huh???

Obama is the anti-Christ. I've heard that one...

He started quoting scripture and I freaked him out by telling him what book in the Bible he is referencing.

Who on earth has he been listening too?

Another day as a chaplain. Glad I got 40 miles in on Sunday. I need some exercise...

Peace

2010-01-01T06:59:00.000-08:00

Dona Nobis Pachem. Peace be upon you.

Signs of God

2009-12-16T15:47:00.000-08:00

Those little things that show the Divine presence is here.

I ended up talking to a patient and family today that happened to be in a room I had a referral too. As we talked, the older patient was in fear of having a procedure of enduring so many procedures and dealing with death so much. She mentioned that a relative died yesterday morning at the other hospital. I asked for the name. I was on call Monday night at the other hospital and I was present at the death of her relative and met with the other members of her family. We really had a connection.

This is one of those times when we are placed in the right place at the right time for a purpose that is so much greater than us.

You're the chaplain!

2009-12-12T12:10:00.000-08:00

I was out visiting patients when I met someone who says "you're the chaplain that sat with my daughter". I was lost and asked her for more information because I had no recollection of ever meeting this patient. Then she said she was a Code and I went and sat with her daughter for a long time while the doctors took care of her. I then remembered the incident and the daughter.

Sometimes we touch someone just by sitting there.

Hope

2009-12-05T04:15:00.001-08:00

Veni, Veni Emmanuel

It is about hope. It always is.

I had two tough days because a man saw no hope and ended his life.

I was with his family for 2 days as they watched the attempts to keep the man alive but the decision was to not prolong an ending.

I could not be there when the end came but I know there was hope.

I saw it in his family that will continue living, loving, hoping.

I know his children will always have hope

But this is not about that . It is about a hope that is here and one to come.

Come Hope,

Come now and let this pain be gone

Come hope into this darkness and be the light

Come hope into our midst and be the love

Come hope, just be present as I get up and see your creation and want to know the whys

Come Hope and just let your peace settle upon me

Just enough for today.

Come

Gratitude

2009-12-01T15:12:00.000-08:00

I received a letter at work today from a family that lost a loved one. They used words to express their thanks to the whole staff for the care they and their son received. I shared the letter with the staffs on two floors and gave it to the ICU charge nurse.

We then talked about this whole incident again. The doctors took this death hard and still need to process and they know we are there to listen, even if we don't understand all the medical jargon/test results.

Someone took the time to say thanks for doing your job. Just not something you hear to much anymore.

From my heart. You are welcome.

Funeral

2009-11-19T17:15:00.000-08:00

I went to the funeral of a patient today. He was 28 and died three weeks after his cancer diagnosis. I was there during that 3 weeks and I know he was fighting everyday. I remember the last time I talked with him. I pray for his wife, his mother, father and sister. He was a good man.

Blessed

2009-10-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

Gratitude

For those who have gone before me

Those who taught me

Those who showed me

Those who loved me though I was unlovable(They are truly grace filled)

They are the Saints that I love

Holy God,

I give thanks today for being loved

For all my faults made me unlovable

Someone saw something and changed me

The Saints that came into my life

Who lead me to where I needed to be

And held me when I was down

Thank you for the Saint that have lived and died and now live again

Thank you for the grace to accept these Saints into your care

For in your mercy, I am loved

Amen

Papers

2009-10-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have 2 of 3 papers done. Just the final edits. One due Monday, the other any old time and the final one in a few weeks. Glad da wif is out of town because she might be pretty upset I am ignoring her.

Just 10 more months to go. I can not believe how hard this is.

Recovery

2009-10-12T15:56:00.000-07:00

On call last night resulted in maybe 2 hours of sleep. I have not had much motivation today. I did read some and thought about some things I need to write about. It was not a terrible day. Just busy. Just wish I wasn't seeing so much alcohol related visits and teens coming in after crashing. Was thinking about having a scared straight for teens but know they already have it. Those crashed cars out on school lawns are real. I see what the insides look like when the car stops moving.

Addiction

2009-09-30T14:49:00.000-07:00

Addiction has a language all its own. I hear it frequently and am now learning to speak it. Some things I never knew I would learn.

I knew it would happen

2009-09-28T12:28:00.001-07:00

It did. A baby died while I was on call. It was horrible to experience but I prayed I did my best for the whole family.

I did not have time to process this until now. I have no idea how many people I saw yesterday. It is still a blur.

God grant him peace.

Tired

2009-09-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

On call. Code at 4am. Alarm goes off and I get there 7 minutes later. In the next room a patient was being x-rayed when the patient hit him in a private spot. Trying not to laugh while CPR is going on the room. Nurses did not hold it together as well as I did.

Just plain strange.

On call

2009-09-06T17:32:00.000-07:00

6 traumas and one cardiac arrest before 7 pm. I could not sleep so I am beat today. Happy I am off and got to go to church. Praying for all those who passed by and were hurt yesterday.

Best line was when I got a call for a person wanting prayer. I could not get there for an hour and a half and during the prayer she wanted me to pray for her daughter the virgin. Really hard not to laugh during a prayer.

Ice breaker

2009-08-29T03:27:00.000-07:00

I was in Maternity visiting the nurses who just had a crisis to check in with them. They were having a tough time so just about anything you did for them was welcomed.

The nurse’s station is a typical counter with the glass walled nursery behind it but I noticed two Plexiglas bassinets in front of the nursery, just behind the nurses. I am sitting there staring at these when it came to me,

“Those are real babies” is what came out of my mouth. It took me a while to figure this out.

The ice was broken and we could move forward.

Finally out

2009-08-26T03:30:00.000-07:00

I am out from behind the table and out into the hospital today.

Time to open all my senses and see what is out there.

I know I will be tired when I get back tonight from sensory overload.

Process, process, process - sleep.

Awake in a new city

2009-08-24T02:48:00.000-07:00

I could not stay asleep so I got up. Turned on the local morning news. Watched 5 minutes, turned it off and turne on NPR.

Trying to figure on what to do this next 2 hours before I have to leave.

I want to give up

2009-08-11T05:20:00.001-07:00

0 tomatoes for me. The ____ are getting them all. I almost want to pull the plants and spread the dirt around the yard.

I think I will just give up and keep growing them for whatever comes along to eat them. Even if i might just get one.

Totally distracted

2009-08-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in a meeting trying to pay attention to what was being said when I looked out the window and witnessed a cardinal attacking the side mirror on a car. It was so mad with that bird in the mirror and this bird and mirror kept me preoccupied for a long time.

Meeting was really interesting, but watching that bird was more fun.

After the meeting, the guy sitting beside me commented on the bird and how it was neat.

Friday Five

2009-08-07T07:24:00.000-07:00

RevGalBlogPals of which I am a long time lurker posts a question every Friday. I thought I would finally play.

1. Is there a sport/ hobby that is more of a passion than a past-time for you?

Passion. Bicycling. I own 3 bikes and my own spin bike. I ride as much as my time/knee allow. I follow those crazy bike races year round and watch all the teams as they rides change teams.

Da Wif and I went to the finish of the 2003 Tour and sat at the Finish line in Paris. It was the 100th anniversary of the tour and when they were talking about the 100th tour in 4 years, we looked at each other and said we would want to do it again.

2. Outdoors or indoors?

Why yes. Spinning inside when it is ice cold or really wet. Did have a friend mention he saw me out riding in the rain. Called me dedicated. Da Wif calls me other things. (Crazy)

3. Where do you find peace and quiet?

On those deserted roads with a nice breeze blowing as the miles wind by.

4. A competitive spirit; good or bad, discuss...

Very competitive. Very bad because it drives me to ride harder than I should sometimes.

5. Is there a song a picture or a poem that sums up your passion ?

Stupid by Sarah McLaughlin. It is the best song in the world for climbing mountains. Great beat and driving you to get to the end.

Squirrels 6 or more - Me 0

2009-08-07T07:23:00.000-07:00

Do I admit defeat and just give them all my tomatoes?

Squirrels 5 - Me 0

2009-08-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

They are stealing my hand pollenated tomotoes. Still green. All this work and I am not being rewarded for the fruits of my labor.

Rats with furry tail.....

Branson

2009-07-28T05:23:00.000-07:00

I went there for a meeting of ordained pastors. Preaching was heavily weighted on the conservative side. I went and learned. Now Branson is a quite interesting town. Flying in and finding out the rental car company was not in the airport was a real bad start. I went to another counter and they gave me a better deal. Were friendly about it too. Getting waved at y the airport staff as we departed was cute, maybe a little over the top.

The town has one main road but the bypass roads are the key to getting around. Most everything is on the main strip and I found all the signs distracting because there are just too many of them We had a nice hotel to stay in but the internet just did not work there. It really needed help.

Shows. It is all about expectations as Da Wif says. We went and saw Six, The Twelve Irish Tenors and The Acrobats of China. Each is geared toward a particular audience and I liked two of the shows.

Food. American fare. On the drive into town, we say a burger joint we wanted to go to. 2 nights later, the place was stripped bare and gone and we could not find it because it’s sign was taken down. We noticed the spot the next day. We did stay beside a great custard place that we visited often. (Andy’s Custard)

People. Tourist were from the heartland of America and it shows. God, country, respect for veterans. The town’s folk were friendly. We met the spouse of one tourist area who was surprised we had found an out-of-the-way area that we liked. She said she would tell her husband we enjoyed it.

Things to do. Looking at the map, I wondered about the fish hatchery so we went there. It is pretty big hatching some 50000 trout a year then releasing them into the waterways. Fun to feed them too.

We found the Christmas Nativity Museum and gift shop cute and would recommend it. Some 2000 nativities from around the world.

If we were to go again, we would look for different shows, have more custard, be thankful for the wonderful weather we had.

Air Traffic Control

2009-07-14T17:50:00.000-07:00

Watching the birds come in and out of the bird feeder reminded me of air traffic controllers who keep the airplanes coming in and out.

I was watching the line-up yesterday as the fledgling cardinal was waiting on the doves who was waiting on the blackbirds who were waiting on the common flicker.

It was interesting to see the bright yellow flash of the Yellow Finches as they zoom by.

Hearing the Carolina wrens make a fuss about something.

Seeing the tufted titmice come zooming in, make a call and then head out on the flightpath.

Since I have a compost pile out back, the gray catbirds are keeping the bugs down.

Many other birds to mention but when something startles them, off they go, back to the trees in their pattern.

Silence

2009-07-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

Trying to have silence while the yard crews are doing their work outside.

Praying that this feeling passes. The feeling of being tired. about 4 hours of sleep last night.

Trying to find the right words for a newsletter.

Trying to figure out what is going on in my heart.

I'll just keep praying.

Getting ready

2009-07-08T05:41:00.000-07:00

I am going to get out for a ride this morning. I had to shower first. Put on cycling clothing. Make my during ride drink with the help of Chloe who was interested in the all the noise I was making.

Get my bike out, check the tires. Get out the shoes, gloves, pump, helmet, glasses. Now I am waiting for the Tour to get started so I can get out.

I just can not believe it takes so long to get ready to ride.

Socialized Medicine

2009-07-07T09:31:00.001-07:00

I am in a socialized medicine system being retired military. I have been sleeping bad so I made an appointment to the sleep center. So I went in and I saw a respiratory therapists who recommended I drink warm milk before going to bed, eat turkey. This is the same thing he said to me two years ago.

So I ran a 2 weeks test with a new machine that said that the pressures are right but I still only managed 4 almost good nights of sleep in 15 days. I bring the my machine back and they say I need to see a doctor in the office. Next appointment is the 14th of August. Months of sleeping bad to 2 weeks of documented sleeping bad to say I need to see a doctor.

I am so tired yet frustrated beyond belief.....

Walking in circles

2009-07-01T03:53:00.000-07:00

The Heart’s Blossom. I was at the Cathedral last night for the Labyrinths, quiet time and music.

As I walked to the center I had thoughts (emptying did not happen)

At the center of a Rose.

Being surrounded by beauty

Being present in the center

Being present to others around me

All seeking center

All quiet

Growing

Quieting walking

Passing each other

Making turns on a path

Wondering where the curves, intersections will lead.

A center in silence

Being present in my heart to your heart

Feeling the beauty as the flower slowly unfolds

With me in it.

Flowi, river flow

2009-06-30T05:06:00.000-07:00

Great Falls. Spent some quiet time there. (As quiet as all that water is). I makes you stop and think about so much.

Writing for a friend

2009-06-19T05:36:00.000-07:00

After the Storm

For Jan

After the storm comes

After the lightening cracks and the heart skips

After the thunder booms and our hearts sink

After the darkness rolls in.

After all the visits and the calls

After hearing the words spoken we know so well

After all of this comes tomorrow

Comes today

When the new day dawns

When the light comes and we realize things have changed

Things are not the same

Someone will be missed

That phone call seeking her voice

The realization of it is a new day

One that will go on from here, but so very different than the ones past

But it is a new day

One where there are friends present for you.

Praying for you.

Giving you comfort

Peace

Being present for you.

Today and tomorrow.

Wondering where the sleep is

2009-06-18T05:57:00.000-07:00

These past few months have been hard on me. I have been sleeping awful. I wake up hot.

I wake up with a headache. I wake up thirsty.

What will it be like just to sleep good for a few days in a row and feel better.

Trying to keep a good sleep regime going.

Next to that log that has no problems sleeping.......

No, No, No Saturday

2009-06-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

I made plans for a bike ride but my knee said no you don't. I have finshed my sermon and presentation for tomorrow and have the time but after waking up at 3:40 in pain, I think it is winning.

Off to a big box store for some dirt and plastic edging to keep the dirt inside the area and not washing away.

The rain did wash too much away this week. Guess I have time to read today.

Needs

2009-06-02T05:51:00.000-07:00

I need to get out

I need to install that wire over the vents.

I need to sleep better.

I need to figure out why I feel the way I do.

I need to figure out the question.

Guess I have a lot to do today,

Look out world, here I come.

Up early to hear a presentation

2009-05-18T04:12:00.000-07:00

Since returning from Palestine, I sure am getting some interesting invitations to hear presentations.

Today it is on Arab-Israeli peace. Some politician is supposed to be there.

Rain

2009-05-11T04:28:00.000-07:00

I have got mushrooms growing on mushrooms.

Enough rain already.

Ice Cream

2009-05-07T14:14:00.000-07:00

The food pantry had ice cream this week. A local store closed for remodeling and donated all of its ice cream. Here I was giving Ben and Jerrys away knowing that I had not had it for a while.

I think I will make a DQ stop.

Home

2009-05-02T05:15:00.001-07:00

5 weeks later and I am home. Palestine was an experience I will not soon forget. I taught me about hope.

There is hope.

Always.

Gaza

2009-03-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

The Rev. John Angle of the Hope Trust brought a group over to Gaza on Monday. The issueof getting through the border was the group had to walk 1.5 miles across the border so they borrowed everyone's rolling suitcases to bring items to the Lighthouse School that they support.

When they got back last night they told us about the checkpoint searching one of their group, a 70 yearold woman form more than three hours including X-rays. John himself was detained for 2 hours while they asked questions of him like his fathers names and grandfathers names.

The group arrived back about 5 hours later than they thought and started sharing pictures.

Everything is pretty well flattened and building can not resume. They destroyed all the factories.

I was talking to one of the group when they said they destroyed the cement factory so there is no way of starting rebuilding. My comment was that they are attempting to destroy hope.

Hope wins... It always does. John and his group knows this.

A new thing

2009-03-26T04:52:00.000-07:00

Because of timing, I am free this morning. It is a beautiful clear morning and it will get into the mid-60s today so I took advantage of the weather and washed a load of laundry. I then went out and put the clothes on the line on the roof. I have never line dried my clothes. Fumbling with the clothespins, not worrying about matching socks or who sees my underwear.

Sunshine!

2009-03-18T05:58:00.001-07:00

I waited a few days and it finally came out. It only took 20 minutes to make me feel better.

High Anxiety

2009-03-16T06:18:00.000-07:00

Serpents and traveling. Anxiety setting in? My readings for today seemed to be focused on serpents and traveling and all I could think of was my upcoming trip. I may not be as settled as I seem.

Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer,

Calm my anxiety, Bring peace to my inner being, Slow my thoughts down, Clear my paths of serpents, Slow me down and let me see the obstacles that threaten me. That keep me wandering on the wrong paths.

This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Amen

Ran Away

2009-03-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

I ran off to NY City and saw a musical. Took a express bus up and would recommend it. I went to the WTC and looked at the hole there and thought about the tis I would walk to work. I felt a huge emptiness as I missed something that was my past.

Desire

2009-03-08T03:51:00.000-07:00

Psalm 19:9- 10 the fear of the Lord is pure,
   enduring for ever;
the ordinances of the Lord are true
   and righteous altogether.
¹⁰More to be desired are they than gold,
   even much fine gold;
sweeter also than honey,
   and drippings of the honeycomb.

Lord,

Do I desire the sweetness in your living?
Do I seek to be righteous within you and with you?
Do I respect what you have taught me and are teaching me?
My prayer today is for listening to your word.
What you will be saying to me as I go out.
What calls me and envelops me to be more that I can be by myself.
For your hope is with me and your love holds me.
This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Come to Rest

2009-03-04T06:10:00.000-08:00

Henry Nouwen writes that the literal translation of pray always is “come to rest”
p. 6 Katheen Norris, Acedia & me.

Lord,

May I come to rest in you as you come to rest in me.
My journey this lent is about being restored to you.
My time in this wilderness apart is about reflecting on my past and being made whole in you.
By you.
I know that I am always with you and you are always with me.
I know my journey is about what I have done,
What I have said,
Where I have been.
But Lord,
How can I,
What can I,
What shall I be with you?
New in life and new in creation!
This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.
Amen

Where is the sleep?

2009-03-02T04:02:00.000-08:00

Sleep was alluding me. The snow is falling in a silent blizzard. But I want it to be all over and I wake up with the world white.

Patience and being a patient. Waiting while healing. I was hurting from so much. The hurts of the past were on my mind. My body ached from the weather outside. I sat in bed trying to sleep with words of a song going through my head,

Oh Lord hear my prayer,
Oh Lord hear my prayer,
When I call
Answer me,
Oh Lord hear my prayer,
Oh Lord hear my prayer
Come and listen to me.
This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Amen

Praying for sleep.

floating around

2009-03-01T04:29:00.001-08:00

Creator, Sustainer and redeemer,

There are times in my life I knew what I was doing,

Things were so clear. Things were so right.

Now I feel like I am adrift again. In a small boat on the sea.

But sometimes lost is where I need to be.

Not knowing my direction doesn’t mean I don’t have one.

There are currents moving me along directions I cannot see.

There are winds that I can feel blowing me along too.

My sea is my wilderness,

My temptations are the things that want me to veer off course.

Even if I don’t know the course.

This I pray, is my journey toward hope.

While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Amen

Prayer for Today

2009-02-28T03:42:00.000-08:00

Crying out in darkness and a reply.

I was sitting and reading when I heard a cat crying. I was not sure where the cry was coming from so I searched it out.
It appeared Sam had been locked in the garage for some time and was crying out to be released
from his prison, his darkness.
When I opened the door, he was friendly, loving, purred all over me and wanted to be held. This is so unlike him.

I started wondering, Am I like that?
When I am released from my darkness, do I stay close to God?
Am I changed? forever?

Most holy and living God,
In the darkness I cry out.
Not certain of being heard.
Yet I cry out.
I cry out in the prison I made,
In the darkness I entered, I cry out,
What I fear most, I have made myself.
When you hear me and let me out of my own prison,
I come close to you,
I stay by you,
Being held by you,
Gazing at you,
Knowing you are loving me.
Blessing me,
Giving me grace and mercy,
Grace and mercy.
Thank you Lord,
This I pray, is my journey toward hope.
While I wait for my soul to catch up, my heart to heal.

Amen

Heading out

2009-02-26T05:18:00.001-08:00

I hope to get out today and cycle around a little. Making a few visits.

It might be fun. Weather is beautiful, wish you were here....

I really have Jimmy on the brain.

Mardi Gras

2009-02-24T04:29:00.000-08:00

Party like we are crazy, then at midnight, the party is over. Do we turn into a pumpkin or something?

I think we should all turn inward and tune in every day and see ourselves as what we are and what we could be.

Party like there is no tomorrow? No. Party for today, but look toward the future.

Giving thank for what is

2009-02-23T03:36:00.000-08:00

Gratitude takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God.
- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude"

Loving Creator,

I am moved today in the new light of your glory to be present.
To remember I am loved as your child.
I am held as your child that goes out and stumbles.
I am blessed that I can cry mercy and receive grace.
I am loved beyond belief.
For all of this, I give thanks.
Today is enough.
Today is a start.
The sun is rising to start a new day.
And I am still blessed.
Thank you.
Amen

Still pondering

2009-02-22T15:38:00.000-08:00

I have a prayer group in a few minutes but have a headache and feel pretty bad.

So do I go?

I think the quiet will do me good and give da wif space to work on homework.

Questions

2009-02-19T06:01:00.000-08:00

I have questions about direction and then I get questions on direction.

I think I know what way to go, I try to go that way.

But when I am asked for by other people what way they should be going, I freeze.

The question in my humble opinion is rhetorical. I can only advise but one needs to figure it out for themselves.

I will always be seeking. That is in my nature.

The bigger question is what to do when I find the answer?

Hope

2009-02-13T05:13:00.000-08:00

Holding out for hope.

Psalm 130 V7

O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is great power to redeem.

Great and loving God,

It is I again.
Hoping for a change and redemption,
Singing a new song this morning.
Hoping that I can make a change in the world.
I pray for some change and you make it happen.
I go out into the workd today with your steadfast love.
Knowing that even I can be redeemed in your eyes.
With this I am thankful.
Ever grateful for your mercy.
Amen

A leaf

2009-02-11T03:42:00.001-08:00

A leaf does not fall off, it just lets go. (Mary Chapin Carpenter)

God,

What is it that I am not willing to let go of?

What keeps me connected to what was?

Not willing to see what is.

I pray that I can let go and enjoy the weightlessness of the air as I float from what is to what is.

I may not understand the tree but know I was a part of it.

I now I need to let go of so much but fear is what keeps me hanging on.

Lord,

Release me from my fear of the unknown and let me grow and change.

From what is to what will be.

I have it in me. I just need to allow it to happen.

I give it all to you.

Because it is too big for me.

In the name of Jesus I pray.

Amen

A Spark

2009-02-10T06:10:00.000-08:00

God of the seeker,

You gave me a promise.

A promise is a bright spark that has not been born.

It is a longing to hope that we all have.

It is that one most desired warmth we seek.

A promise of always being with me.

Even in the valley of darkness.

I find the spark.

When nothing seems to be going right

There is a spark of inspiration.

When my way has never seemed clearer.

A spark is with me.

I thank you for always being with me.

Pushing, pulling, rolling, carrying, nudging getting me going again

Because I am always your child.

Amen

Vacare Deo

2009-02-09T04:53:00.001-08:00

I read these words yesterday morning. Then I heard them again.
Someone talking to me??

Vacare Deo. --- Making space for God.

Lord,
In these days filled with too much stuff,

Bring me back to center.

The promise that is filled with hope.

The quiet of the morning at dawn.(Sorry for you non-morning people)

Where the world starts again.

The evening where we find rest.

A room where we can be alone.

All of these spaces are big enough for one

but are calling us to make more space.

Space inside ourselves where we can be honest.

Where we can laugh, cry, ponder.

Where we can be honest and say what we feel.

God is waiting for us there.

I need to make room.

I need to make time.

I need to make space

God does.

Amen

Unmovable object

2009-02-08T04:10:00.000-08:00

God,

What is unmovable in your eyes?

Can the earth stand against you?

Or is it set in motion like the sun, moon, stars and tides are?

Does everything not move or move?

What comes in the way to put things in motion?

I see it as love.

Love is what moves all.

Love is the reason for so much.

Love moves the sun, the stars.

It set the tides in motion.

It wears down mountains.

It is born in small places.

It grows to be as big as the redwoods.

It is like the wind blowing on the sea.

It is what awakens me to the new day.

With the light and love that is given for me.

It is enough for me.

Thanks be to you, Holy One.

Amen

Understand

2009-02-07T06:50:00.001-08:00

Lord,

How come I can understand how magnetic lines of flux travel in open air,

yet I can look at a person and not understand what motivates them?

How can I sit and watch snow fall, knowing all the flakes are different

But curse the effects of the slippery road I am traveling?

Lord

I think I understand so much but really understand so little.

The world is so big and I am so small but want and wish for more understanding of things.

I pray for acceptance I what I have learned and seek to understand what my wanderings teach me.

I wish for it to be easy but know it will never be easy.

Life is not easy.

Life happens.

I deal with it.

I thank you for what I have learned and how I learned to deal with life.

I think I understand some of you.

I will never know the answers until one day.

But that one day will be filled with no more questions.

But awe.

Thanks be!

Amen

Pilgrim

2009-02-05T16:57:00.000-08:00

Pilgrim.

We are all on a journey.

The paths and trails we follow to try to find what we are seeking.

The paths and trails are trials of ourselves

We follow these paths and trails to the sea and ask;

Where is the boat so that we can cross this blue expanse?

Somewhere a voice says to us, “build it.” So we built it and cross the sea.

We follow these paths and trails to a deep crevice and stop.

We look over and see the other side and think our journey is at an end.

But we seek to find ways to the other side.

We traverse the trail and path down so can face our fear of the darkness at the bottom.

We slog back up the other side and start on the journey again.

We come to another crossing.

A major raging river that no boat can cross.

This river is full of our fears.

The things that scare us.

We stop and ask now what.

Where is the bridge so that we can cross to continue on our journey?

A voice will say to us, “build it.”

“With what?” We will ask.

“It has been provided, you have enough,” is what we hear.

We start to wonder what has been provided.

We stop and let our feelings come over us.

We don’t know what to do.

We don’t know where to turn.

We drop to our knees and sob.

A hand reaches out to us and says,

You have been provided enough.

Turn around and look.

Your trials along these paths and trails are filled with the blessings you have left.

Look at the faces of those behind you.

All along the paths are the flowers that we have left littered by the ones we have touched.

Your path pilgrim is not complete.

There are more flowers to be left and people to touch.

Our journey is still on.

Pilgrim. You have enough.

Just ask for help.

Life on the 20th

2009-01-21T16:28:00.000-08:00

This happened yesterday.
I went to the bus stop expecting to catch a bus then take a train to downtown to watch the inauguration. I had just missed one bus when another one pulled up. It said “Special” on the side and the bus driver yelled out “Hop on, free ride” So I got on and so did everyone else. The bus was full yet I had no idea where I was going. The bus pulled away and stopped at a light and allowed a family to cross the street and get on too.
The bus then gets on the highway which was empty of cars and drives us straight into the city and drops us all off 1 block from where I wanted to be.
What a wonderful start to the day. It was something that the day gifted me.

God of gifts.
Would I know that I need to get on the bus when it comes by?
Would I see the joy and excitement on the faces of your children?
Would I have faith to go where it takes me?
Lord I pray that I can always trust so much.
For you lead me to places that are wonderful.
Your grace keeps me warm.
Your children surround me with excitement.
I just need to be willing to get on.
Amen

A prayer for prayer 2 January 2009

2009-01-02T02:42:00.000-08:00

Gifts: Prayer

Prayer and love are learned in the hour when prayer becomes impossible and the heart has turned to stone.

- Thomas Merton

Lord God,

I thank you for the gift of prayer,

The gift of conversation with you.

The gift of you answering in ways I understand

In ways I seek to understand.

And to be understood.

I pray that my words are enough

My actions are with my prayer,

My love, grace and peace, fitted to service in you.

Today and tomorrow.

May it be so.

Amen

I am on hiatus for a few days. I will be in Israel. If I am able, I will send out a prayer.

A Prayer for the New Year

2009-01-01T04:01:00.000-08:00

Gifts: Wonder

Mark 9:15 As soon as all the people saw Jesus, they were overwhelmed with wonder and ran to greet him.

Holy and Loving God,
I thank you for the wonder given to us, for us.
As I
Wonder about your love,
Wonder about your grace,
Wonder about why you love even me.
I wonder about what keeps drawing me to you.
And I know it is irristable grace.
A reason for wonder.
As I start this new year I am full of wonder.
Wonder for peace.
Wonder for love
Wonder for joy.
And I am thankful I have this wonder
Amen

New Year's Eve 2008 Prayer

2008-12-31T02:34:00.000-08:00

Gifts: Peace

I choose to end this year wishing you peace.

Thanking God for the peace that is here.

Praying for peace.

May we all wage peace this upcoming year.

May peace be with you.

So be it today.

So be it tomorrow.

Amen

Prayer for 30 DEcember 2008

2008-12-30T02:16:00.000-08:00

"When perfect love has driven out fear, or fear has been transformed into love, then everything that has been saved will be a unity growing together through the one and only Fullness, and everyone will be, in one another, a unity in the perfect Dove, the Holy Spirit."

- Gregory of Nyssa, "Homilies on the Song of Songs," 15

Gifts: Reconciliation.

1.	an act of reconciling or the state of being reconciled.

2.	the process of making consistent or compatible.

Loving and Holy Creator,

I thank you for your reconciliation of us to you,

This by your initiation.

With being made right to you I should be able to make peace with my neighbor,

I should learn to live with my neighbor,

I should be able to listen to my neighbor.

But I don’t,

I still hate,

I still take what isn’t mine.

I treat my neighbors worse than I treat myself with rules and walls

Lord,

Forgive me

Help me tear down these walls and break the rules so I can return to being compatible with my neighbor.

For we all live together and have the same goals.

Living and loving.

Together.

I thank you for the gift of reconciliation which transforms.

Amen

A Prayer for Monday 29 December 2008

2008-12-29T03:53:00.000-08:00

Gifts: Freedom
How do I value freedom with Christ?
2 Corinthians 3:17 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
Loving God,
Where you are,
We are free.
Freedom from so much,
Freedom from the darkness that scares me.
Freedom from hate that hides you.
Freedom is being set free from all this and being free to see the world through your light.
Through your love.
Freedom is having the weight of the world lifted from me.
Freedom is knowing you have lifted my chains, lifted my weights, lifted my fears and set them free.
I thank you for the gift of freedom and I pray that I live in your freedom,
Giving as much as I have received.
Amen

Signs

2008-12-28T10:41:00.001-08:00

What does this say to you?

A prayer for 28 December 2008

2008-12-28T03:26:00.000-08:00

Gifts, Hope

Romans 5:5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Glorious God,

Hope is all around,

I hope for a beautiful day knowing it will rain,

But to someone, hope is fulfilled.

I hope for a life that is full,

I hope I will only know if it is fulfilled later.

I hope for the resurrection of my soul.

I hope for laughter and love to be always near,

I hope for better days,

I hope for snowy morning,

I hope for peace in the world,

But Hope will never disappoint me.

For hope is a gift,

Not a wish.

Thanks be to God,

Amen

A Prayer for 27 December 2008

2008-12-27T04:44:00.000-08:00

Gifts, Joy.

Deuteronomy 16:15 For the LORD your God will bless you in all your harvest and in all the work of your hands, and your joy will be complete.

Acts 8:8 ⁸ So there was great joy in that city.

I have picked a few things that I see as a gift and put them on my calendar to pray about. I picked joy for this day and I was so surprised when a devotional I receive daily also was about joy. A coincidence? Maybe.

God of Joy,

May I be complete in you,

May I see the joy in this day,

The love in this day,

The Peace in this day.

But Lord,

I pray for those who can not see your joy,

Who miss your love,

Who need us to be present with them.

I hope for joy in this world to be complete,

So that when I sing Joy to the world

Joy is in the world.

I thank you for your gift of joy.

Amen

A Prayer for 26 December 2008

2008-12-26T03:25:00.001-08:00

Gifts, Faith.
2 Corinthians 5:7 We live by faith, not by sight.

Creator of the heavens,
I live by faith,
A gift I hold fast too,
Something that I cannot explain,
Just something that gives me a reason to look at the light of your love.
A faith that sees through darkness,
A faith that finds the light.
A faith that is based on your love,
Your gift to me.
Thanks be to God,
Amen

My Prayer for Christmas 2008

2008-12-25T04:07:00.001-08:00

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace, The gladness of Christmas give you hope, The warmth of Christmas grant you love.

~Author Unknown

Advent is over. The time of waiting and preparing is over. It is time now to experience the gift of Christmas. My focus the next 12 days will be on gifts.

Giving God,

You have come again,

Your gift today is Love,

May my heart experience this love as it is made new,

Again and again.

As I learn about your love,

As I take your love and regift it.

Because there is enough to go around.

This Christmas I am learning to so thanks.

Thank you for love.

Amen

Christmas Eve Prayer

2008-12-24T02:34:00.001-08:00

Something’s coming!

I love West Side Story and it is in revival here in town so the advertisements are playing hourly. I keep thinking about the excitement of this day and this is my prayer for us.

Lord,

Something is coming!

The shepherds in the field have heard it.

Mary has heard it.

Something new.

The excitement is in the air,

May my heart feel this today,

May the unexpected be the expected,

May you in my life be made new again,

Coming to make a change in my world.

Where peace reigns,

Love survives,

Joy blossoms.

And I see you in my world around me.

This year I wait.

Excitedly wait.

With anticipation in my heart.

Amen

Prayer for 22 December 2008

2008-12-23T01:43:00.000-08:00

A frozen world

A world that stops as everything stops moving,

A world that is hard to live in.

A world that needs changing,

Thawing,

But in this world is beauty,

The snow covers up so much,

Under the ice, the water still flows,

The light is just a bit longer

Just a bit (exactly 7 seconds today).

There is life coming.

This is the world you chose and choose to enter.

Come,

Warm me with your love, light and warmth,
Come,

Change my world,
Come.
In your mercy, hear me.

Amen

A prayer for 22 December 2008

2008-12-22T02:20:00.001-08:00

Faith is planting a seed when there is no sign of rain and no clouds in the sky.
Faith is saying yes to something you believe in, Not knowing what the future holds.
Faith is troubling,
Faith is all I have today because of the hope I have in the messiah.
One who comes to save.
Save with peace.
Save with love,
Save with justice.
Save in ways that do not point to a warrior but a child.
A person building from the position of love and peace will build a new world.
A new world will come.
A real peace will come.
A child will lead them.
May Christmas be in my heart this year.

Thanks be to God.

Amen

a view

2008-12-21T10:24:00.001-08:00

A frozen world,
Ice glazed.
Birds dancing on the deck,
Blue skies.
When the sun hits the trees it begins to rain,
The rain that was once frozen to the limbs comes alive.
It drops upon the ice on the ground and makes the glaze appear to float.
Once slick,
Now mush.
Only to freeze again when the sun goes away.

A Prayer for 21 December 2008

2008-12-21T02:54:00.000-08:00

Excerpt from Inward/Outward email dated 20 Dec 08

It is very remarkable that we face the thought that God is coming so calmly, whereas previously peoples trembled at the day of God, whereas the world fell into trembling when Jesus Christ walked over the earth. We have become so accustomed to the idea of divine love and of God's coming at Christmas that we no longer feel the shiver of fear that God's coming should arouse in us. (Dietrich Bonheoffer)

God of the morning,

We should be in awe,

We should be shouting in the fields,

We should be running through the streets shouting,

“You better be ready”

We see the coming birth as a day of a child,

But it is for me,

For if there is no birth,

There is no death and ressurection,

The real gift of life for me.

I pray my heart is on fire for you today.

While I await your coming.

Come and bring peace.

Amen

A prayer for Saturday 20 December 2008

2008-12-20T07:48:00.001-08:00

I was ready to be sought by those who did not ask for me;
I was ready to be found by those who did not seek me.
I said, ‘Here am I, her am I,’ to a nation that did not call on my name.
Isaiah 65

Great and Loving Creator,
What can I do?
What can I say?
How does my heart respond to your prophet’s words?
I ask this today as I watch my world around me.
As I seek to answer the questions.
As my heart reaches to you,
May my answer see you in the world.
Reaching,
Loving,
Giving,
That is you in my life.
With your grace I respond today,
Amen

A prayer for Friday 19 December 2008

2008-12-19T03:23:00.000-08:00

Loving God,
You come to those in fields,
You come to those on walks,
You come to those when we are not ready.
But you are ready to change us.
If only we are more willing to listen.
Listen and be ready.
For you do come.
And you keep trying to reach me.
May I just be long enough to be reached.
In your mercy,
Hear my prayer.
Amen

Prayer for 18 December 2008

2008-12-18T02:35:00.000-08:00

Feeling hope.
Holy and Loving God,
I wait for the light, feeling some hope,
The hope that comes with that little feeling
The hope that comes with answered prayers,
The hope that comes with a purpose for your children
The hope that holds fast to the you.
Because you are faithful,
You are faithful.
You are faithful.
With your faith in me I have hope for myself.
No matter what, you don’t give up on me.
You keep reaching out to me.
I just need to be open to your reaching.
May I reach back today.
Amen